if only i could text you this smell
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize