And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
