the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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