Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
