So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
