so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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