so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
