The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
