then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
