You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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