I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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