alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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