She went from zero to smokin in five shots
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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