its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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