Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
