remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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