my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
