just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
