paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
