so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
