I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
