I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
