Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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