let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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