I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
