sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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