ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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