i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
