I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
