Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
