Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
