Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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