I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize