Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
