Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
