So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
