The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
