I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
