So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
