the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
