I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
