he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
