but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
