yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
