I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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