he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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