Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
