can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
