so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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