Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
