I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
