Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dear god my vagina.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
