It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize