Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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