You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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