I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
