He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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