She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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