Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
