Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish my penis had a tongue
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
