I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
