Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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