I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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