There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
