I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
