omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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