You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
