yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
