So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
