he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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