Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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