I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
