John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
