The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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