and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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