Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
