Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
