I'm passing your future prison.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
