I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
