I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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