I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
