there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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