This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
