Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize