I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
