I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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